


Grape Soda

by mypetersburg



Category: The Office (US)
Genre: Angst, Eventual Happy Ending, F/M, Gen, Pining
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-11-23
Updated: 2018-11-23
Packaged: 2019-08-27 23:21:44
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,268
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/16711951
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/mypetersburg/pseuds/mypetersburg
Summary: He hates it in Stamford because Pam's not there.Jim during Season Three, in Stamford. Angst fest.





	Grape Soda

**Author's Note:**

> Obligatory fic for The Office, because I adore it. I hope you all enjoy!

 

When Jim opens the door to the apartment in Stamford, he hates it already. It is too dark and too quiet and the walls are the ugliest yellow he’s ever seen. He hates it, and he hates Stamford, too. He hates it because the reason he went there was because of Pam. He hates it in Stamford because Pam’s not there. He hates it because it’s not Scranton. Worse yet, Jim’s been saying for as long as he can remember that he can’t wait to get out of Scranton. Look at him now: he’s left Scranton and all he wants to do is go back. But he can’t go back. Not now. Not when Pam is there with her stupid engagement ring. So, he swallows the emotions welling up in his throat and flicks on the light switch. _Welcome home_ , he thinks to himself, and laughs to keep his sobs at bay.

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He hates his new office. True, the people here are a bit more tolerable, besides Andy. But he hates that there’s no here to team up with and play pranks on Dwight together. And maybe some small part of him misses someone else, too, curly hair and cardigans, but he can’t think that yet. He manages to enjoy the small fact that his boss isn’t Michael Scott and seems to be completely normal. This thought holds up until his boss, Josh, asks him to play _Call of Duty_ and Jim seems him in spandex cycling gear. Suddenly, Jim would rather have Michael Scott as his boss. A thought that he never thought he would have, and his first instinct is to tell Pam. He’s got a text typed out and is about to hit send when he remembers that he can’t do that sort of thing anymore. He snaps his phone shut and stands up, suddenly wondering if Stamford has grape soda in the vending machine.

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When Jim meets Karen Filippelli, his first thought is that she is practically the polar opposite of Pam. It is refreshing. Karen is pretty and funny enough, and Jim likes her. So he goes out on a date with her, and takes to eating lunch with her in the breakroom. She makes Josh’s _Call of Duty_ benders bearable. She makes it easier to forget that he left his heart back in Scranton, right at the spot where Pam broke it. And perhaps it is wrong to date her and know that he cannot give her what she deserves in their relationship.

But he’ll be damned if he doesn’t try.

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Just as he stops hating Stamford, he is forced out of it. When he is told that he will be moving to Scranton’s branch, his heart simultaneously sinks and soars. Karen asks him about it, asks if she will like it. He doesn’t bother saying anything about Pam. He tells her about Dwight and Michael and Kevin, instead. She stays at his apartment the night they hear of the news, and he kisses her as she drifts off. He looks out around the apartment and it feels as dismal and awful as it did when he opened the door for the very first time.

He has never dreaded anything as much as he is dreading returning to Scranton.

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When he first lays his eyes on Pam, sitting at the reception desk and grinning so widely, his heart breaks all over again. But he is different now. He prefers water to grape soda. He prefers blue to red. He even prefers _American Idol_ to _So You Think You Can Dance_ (something he is ashamed to admit). But try as he might, he cannot manage to prefer Karen over Pam.

So, when Pam runs out from behind the reception desk and throws her arms around him, he hugs her back. Because he’s missed her. Because she looks so pretty in her same old cardigan and skirt. Because she doesn’t have a ring. Because he still loves her, damn it. He loves her and he’s sure that try as he might, he will never stop. But they’re friends. They’re friends and he’s supposed to love Karen.

_We’re friends_ , she says. _We’ll always be friends_.

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He doesn’t try to be mean to Pam. But after a while, it is easier to hardly look at her, hardly talk to her, because it makes the hole in his heart patch over just a bit. Investing almost all of his time in Karen is easier than forcing himself not to think of Pam. It’s hurting the both of them, he knows it. But Karen is starting to sense it, starting to glance between him and Pam, and he doesn’t know how to handle it. He tells her, during one of their many nights of long talks, about him and Pam. About how he kissed her. He supposes it is the fact that they kissed and the fact that when Pam looks at him it is obvious that she has some sort of feelings for him that makes Karen suspicious.

So, she asks if they still have feelings for each other. As anyone would. Except she doesn’t ask him. She asks  _Pam_. Skittish Pam, who probably stumbled over her every word as she told Karen that she didn’t have any feelings left for Jim. The answer seems not to satisfy Karen enough, because she has a tight-lipped smile on her face when she leaves the kitchen.

Jim tries not to notice that when Pam follows after Karen, her head is down and her bottom lip is trembling.

He pretends his stomach doesn’t drop when Pam asks Ryan to set her up with a business school friend. He sternly reminds himself that he is happy with Karen, and Pam deserves to be happy, too.

He can’t quite manage to convince himself, though.

But life goes on. Days turn into weeks, weeks into months. Karen and he are happy, after their rough patch. He thinks that he will be okay, but suddenly he is on the beach and Pam is staring at him and her chest is heaving and she is finally standing up for herself. She tells him she called off her wedding for _him_. And that she misses him. And suddenly _nothing_ is okay again, but he and Karen are pretending for the sake of pretending. Dancing around the fact and preparing for a job interview and kissing and smiling like the world didn’t crash down around Jim’s feet when Pam poured her heart out at that campfire.

And perhaps it is for the better.

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Eventually, he switches back to grape soda. The first one he has after returning to Scranton is right after he asks Pam to dinner. He goes to the breakroom, pushes his quarters into the machine, and chugs half of the grape soda in one go. It feels monumental, but to everyone else it is nothing. Everyone but Pam, it seems, because when she sees the can on his desk, she grins so widely that he begins to smile, too. It makes him feel better about how horrible of him it was to dump Karen and leave her in New York like that.

He knows he has a lot to do. A lot to talk about with both Karen _and_ Pam. A lot of wrongs to right and a lot of problems to handle.

But there is nothing he can do at this moment. So, he takes a sip of the grape soda and appreciates the carbonation on his tongue, and thinks that for the first time in a long time, he will be okay.


End file.
